Lonely at Christmas: Advice if someone you know is isolated during the festive period

People are being advised to contact elderly people if they fear they are lonely
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Jacob Jarvis24 December 2018

The feeling of loneliness can be heightened at Christmas with the expectation of festive frivolity accentuating the sense of isolation for some.

Charities are urging people to consider the feelings of others but to take a sensitive approach with those they have concerns for.

Picking up the phone, making a brief visit, or pitching an outing are three of the key suggestions from experts.

Stephen Buckley, head of information for mental health charity Mind, said: “Christmas can be a difficult time for anyone living with a mental health problem for many reasons, but feelings of isolation and loneliness can be especially challenging during the festive season.

“The expectation of happiness that comes with Christmas can also amplify any negative feelings that people may already have.”

People of any age can be afflicted by loneliness
Sasha Freemind/Unsplash

A particular group blighted by loneliness is the elderly, with recent Age UK research suggesting some 1.7million people aged over 65 have not seen a friend for a month.

Paul Goulden, CEO of Age UK London, said: "Christmas should be a time of joy and friendship for us all, but for nearly 200,000 older Londoners this is not the case. Luckily there are all sorts of different practical ways to help reduce loneliness this Christmas.

"Simply ringing or visiting older family members or friends to let them know you’re thinking of them can make a huge difference to their lives. Taking meals around to them or offering to help with Christmas shopping and present wrapping.

Laura Alcock-Ferguson, executive director of the Campaign to End Loneliness, said the festive period can add to people's issues.

She said: “Christmas can heighten feelings of isolation for older people and many are overlooked

“All of us have an opportunity to tackle the loneliness of older people at Christmas. Pick up the phone to an older relative you won’t be seeing. Invite them for dinner. Spend time with them. A small effort makes a big difference.”

However, though people should be wary of people in these situations, it is important to be delicate when making contact.

Mr Buckley of Mind added: “If you’re worried somebody else might be lonely, try checking in on them and asking how they’re doing.

“Invite them along to local events but remember, if they decline, it might be because they’re feeling too anxious about big events, so don’t feel disheartened or critical of their decision.”

Campaign to End Loneliness - Five tips

Take time to talk

Take time to talk to an older person this Christmas. This could be done at the supermarket, at the pub or out for a walk. Just say a simple hello. It could make a big difference to someone who’s lonely.

Give someone a call

Take the time to speak to your friends and family that you won’t be with this Christmas. A ten-minute phone call can have a big impact.

Give a neighbour a card

Ring the doorbell and hand a Christmas card to your neighbour. Start a conversation and make a connection.

Spare a chair

Do you have a spare chair at your dinner table? Know a neighbour who might be alone? Invite them to join you for a Christmas meal.

Invite the neighbours

Hosting a Christmas party? Don’t forget to invite the neighbours. If there’s anyone in your community who might be alone, send them an invite. The more the merrier!

With that in mind, he suggested: “Perhaps consider something lower key and encourage them gently.”

Events which can allow people to participate with the community can also be beneficial and is an option for those without family links.

Meryl Davies, chief executive of Contact the Elderly, said: “We all know that this can be a difficult time of year, especially for people who are isolated or vulnerable. It can be hard to start conversations and feel connected to others, but we have found that getting involved in the community really is a great thing to do for anyone who is worried about spending the festive period alone, or who wants to help others.”

As well as those thinking someone may be lonely, those with issues themselves are also being reminded to not be hard on themselves.

Advice from the Campaign to End Loneliness said: “You aren’t feeling lonely because there’s something wrong with you.

“Loneliness is a natural reaction to not having the social connections you want or need. Anyone can feel lonely at any age, but bereavement, retirement, poor health and living far away from your family can make some people feel even more isolated and alone."